This morning’s journey to work incorporated a visit to Tesco to buy some joggers, in readiness for this afternoon’s mindful movement session.
Those who have read my reasons for naming this blog ‘FFS Me’ may remember that one F relates to my body shape. I am not and have never been a lover of exercise. This may link back to school, where I was always the slowest runner. Sport seemed like something for Other People: the cool, popular ones. I was never good at it, and felt that other people were judging my lack of prowess, so felt self-conscious and inept in PE lessons. It didn’t occur to me that you could enjoy sport or exercise without being great at it. Today’s session brought a few of those feelings back.
That isn’t to say that I didn’t enjoy the session as a whole. The meditations we did helped me to leave the day behind me and we also practised some mindful walking, which I loved. Where I struggled was the yoga-style stretches we did (or I made a rather pathetic attempt at doing). I seemed to have the flexibility of a piece of concrete, and I had to keep pulling my mind away from such thoughts as: “You are so unfit/fat/unhealthy/insert-other-negative-adjective”.
I’m starting to realise that to truly self care, there needs to be a bit of self love, too. It’s fine to notice my limitations and want to do something about them. It’s not fine to beat myself up about them when I’m doing something that is supposedly positive for my wellbeing.
This is my new mantra when it comes to my faults, weaknesses and limitations: kindness begins at home. I’d never say or even think anything as mean about anyone else as I sometimes do about myself. So, I’ll be enjoying mindful walking, and trying to focus on how the other movements get easier with practise.